Facebook moderation

Facebook moderation...

Listen, it seems like I've talked about this thousands of times with friends and family.  It actually comes up in casual conversation pretty often.  And when it comes up, it seems as if most people are doing a good job of managing how much time they spend on Facebook.  "I don't use Facebook that much.  It's just a good way to stay connected with friends and family."

I'm not saying I don't believe them, because maybe they really do have it all figured out, but I don't.  And I haven't.  To be honest, I don't know how to use Facebook in moderation.  I've tried.  Most of the time, I try to convince myself that the amount of time I spend on Facebook is OK.  Or I tell myself that it's all for a good cause (or something like that).

But...

For me, it's better if I just come out and say it: my Facebook usage has been disturbing lately.  It's the one app that I use far more than anything else on my phone.  When I get a message or notification, regardless of where I am or what I'm doing, I'll check my Facebook.  And then I'll check my newsfeed.  That's where I get stuck.

It's like...
You browse mindlessly.  You look at peoples' posts, memes, and videos.  Sometimes it's regarding the people you love; like your family, friends, or even the family of your friends.  And when you get tired of scrolling, you put your phone down.  But you don't let your phone stay down for long.  Because it's only a matter of minutes before you pick it back up and continue browsing your newsfeed.  Sometimes you end up seeing the same content three to four times.  It's become one of the main ways you cope with your boredom.  And you find brilliant ways to justify yourself and your excessive browsing.

Or maybe you pick your phone back up because you got a notification.  Maybe somebody liked or commented on your post.  You count how many likes you got.  You read and respond to the comments.  And if you're feeling really polite, you like (most of) the comments that were made under your post.

Maybe you post mindlessly.  You talk about pointless things, but you over-dramatize in order to make the pointless sound more profound than it really is.  And you talk about these things because, well, you haven't posted in a while.  So you take pictures, you update your status, and you continually check to see how many people liked your posts.

It's addicting.
I know.

It's almost become an impulse.  It's become something you've lost control of (most of us aren't brave enough to admit that).  After you set your phone down the first time, it doesn't really matter why you picked it back up.  It's really all for the same reason.  You've developed a dependency for Facebook, for being connected, for being "in the know."  You didn't intend for this to happen, but deep down you know its true.  And with all the positive that Facebook brings, there are a bunch of negatives as well.

I'm not criticizing Facebook.
I'm just being honest about the way I use Facebook.
And I'm trying to get a handle on this.

Recently I took my family on vacation.  At the beginning of our vacation, I noticed that I kept checking my Facebook.  For no reason.  And more than usual.  Once I recognized this, I decided to do something about it.  Over the years, I've talked to many people who struggle with the same sort of thing and some of them have chosen to deactivate their account.  I've done that, but this time I wanted to take a different approach.  And because I use Facebook for work purposes, I still need my account.  So, instead of deactivating my account, I decided to delete the Facebook and Messenger app from my phone.  That way, I can still access Facebook from my computer when I need to.

Gone.
For six days now.
But my phone usage has changed SO much.
It's been a WORLD of difference.
And here are some things I've realized:

• I used to waste SO much time on my phone with Facebook.  Watching videos, reading pointless articles, browsing...
• The newsfeed affected my thoughts more than I realized.  I used to pay an unhealthy amount of attention to what other people were posting/saying/doing.  And the newsfeed was somehow negatively influencing my inner life.  I can't explain all of this yet, but I know for a fact that my newsfeed was truly affecting me.
• My time, energy and attention can be spent in much better ways.  I need to be focused and the way I used Facebook hindered that.  There were times where the kids were in bed and my wife and I finally had time to talk after a long day.  But, instead of talking, we independently browsed Facebook to close the day.  Instead of focusing on our marriage, we focused on Facebook.  There's better ways to spend my time, energy and attention.
• I can spend more quality time with my kids without having the impulse to check my Facebook.  I hate to admit this, but it's true.  And I'm really looking forward to focusing on my kids more.
• I can live my life and not feel the need to compete with other peoples' highlight reels.  Now, I don't have to compete or compare my life with other peoples' lives.
• I need to be more aware and present in my own community.  I allowed Facebook to take my mind off of the things that are local...  

There's so much more I could say, but for now, I think that'll be it.
Because it's only been six days...

And now?
I'm gonna post this blog on my Facebook page.
And be done.
Just.
Like.
That.
The difference?
I'm not gonna continually check how many likes or comments I get from my phone.
I don't need to.
Because I'm doing this for me.
Not for the likes.
And that feels incredibly freeing.

Moderation.
Facebook moderation.

  

Consumer to Steward

So first,

a little context:

Our church is in the midst of a teaching series entitled, “SoulShift.  And yesterday my message was entitled, “Consumer to Steward.”  The series is about the various shifts that take place in our soul when we decide to give and surrender our hearts to Christ.  “Consumer to Steward” is one of those shifts.  

Click here for that message:  Consumer to Steward

People need to learn to use their money/possessions/talents/time for God’s purposes.  And sadly, far too many Christians continually stay in consumer mode.  

Toward the end of my message, I spoke about some very practical ways people can become stewards.  I think messages should always include this sort of thing; something that helps guide people toward action.  An example of this from Sunday was my encouragement to our church to tithe.  Tithing is a Biblical and spiritual discipline that postures people to receive and experience more from God.  This seems counter-intuitive, but it’s amazing what happens when you’re able to detach yourself from the control you think you have over money.  Another example from Sunday was serving - finding ways to volunteer your time/energy/talents during a Sunday morning gathering.  And I actually laid out several opportunities for people to respond.  We tithed after the message, which was intended to give people an opportunity to give.  And after the gathering was over, we even had some of our ministry leaders available to help people get signed up to serve.  I believe in calling people to action.  To respond.  

But,

THIS IS THE THING…

After the church gathering was over, someone approached me and (basically) told me I missed a huge opportunity.  I’ll be honest, I was bewildered because I didn't exactly know what was going to be said next.  You never know the kinds of critiques people will have.  I felt a slight defensive impulse begin to surge under my skin.  And over the years, I’ve learned to control that, but I could feel it was there.

In hearing this person state their case, once I got over my own defensiveness I actually came to agree with him.  100%.  

Ok, so that’s the context.  

This blog is an extension of my “Consumer to Steward” message.

The practice of stewardship needs to start at home.  Although we need to learn how to become better stewards with our church, It’s not JUST something we do at church on Sunday.  We need to become better stewards at home, too.  With our spouse.  With our kids.  With the overall culture and expectations we set for our family.    As parents, we need to teach and model this to our children.  And as spouses, we need to teach and model this to one another.  

Don’t get me wrong.  I believe we need to continually learn how we can be better stewards in our local church.  As Christians, this is one of the things we’re called to do.  Over and over and over and over, the Apostle Paul wrote letters to the church; letters that taught them to use what they have to serve one another.  This builds and matures the body of Christ - helping us experience and attain the fullness of Christ (Ephesians 4:11-13).  Stewardship in the church is essential.  So I’m a huge advocate on giving of your finances, serving and being actively involved in various ministries.

But it goes the other way around as well.  

Let’s not JUST teach people to be stewards in the church,

let’s encourage people to teach and model stewardship in their homes.

If we teach stewardship to our families, our families will be better equipped to be stewards in the church.  This is what I’m suggesting: if we encourage one another to teach and model stewardship in our homes home, then their households will be better equipped to be stewards in the local church.  

We need to teach people how to be stewards in their local church AND we need to encourage parents to teach/model stewardship at home.

So here’s the question:

Are we teaching and modeling stewardship to our families?  

Or

Are we teaching and modeling consumerism to our families?

Two indicators that you might be teaching and modeling consumerism:

1.  You wait for someone to serve you.  You expect everyone else to contribute, but you don’t hold yourself to that same standard.  You judge, assess and critique someone’s service, but you don’t serve (or you serve minimally).  You just show up and wait for someone to feed you.  You leave and expect that while you’re gone, someone will clean up.  

2.  You take someone’s generosity for granted.  You don’t encourage.  You don’t say thank you.  And you don’t appreciate or acknowledge how someone has been generous to you.  You just expect people to be more generous than they already are.  And you expect their generosity to qualitatively and quantitatively increase.  

What happens in your household?

What happens in your church?

This is a shift that we need to make:

From being a 

Consumer to Steward.

Speaking out against this injustice

Recently, one of my friends challenged me to speak up... 

I’m convinced that we cannot remain silent to the hate, violence and the ignorance that’s become visible in our country (and world). For it is in moments such as this that we learn to reconcile, unite, and become better neighbors with one another. 

And I know way too many people who aren’t speaking up! I can understand that. I didn’t want to speak up either. When I was first challenged to say something, I didn't know what I should say. I certainly don’t condone violence or racism of any form. To me, the images and videos of what’s happening is sickening and depressing to watch. And seeing the prejudice and hatred that still exist is painfully eye-opening. But, something needs to change.

Up to this point, I didn’t speak up because I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. I’m uncertain. I’ll admit it: I’m ignorant. And I thought my uncertainty and ignorance was something I should hide. Truth is, I don’t have the answers. I don’t want to pretend to. The last thing I want to do right now is regurgitate cliche quotes, over-simplistic one-liners, or repost trending social media memes. And I refuse to spit out some half-ass empathetic statement if I don’t even know what I’m being empathetic about. So, although it’s embarrassing to admit, I've sat in silence - unknowing of what I should say. And I’ve used my uncertainty as a justification for my silence. I thought that because I didn’t know what to say, it was better not to say anything at all. 

It’s much easier to be silent in the midst of injustice, controversy and conflict. It would probably be easier to wait for this to blow over, but years ago I made a decision not to live my life for the sake of ease. I realized that I couldn’t be content, satisfied or fulfilled with myself if I lived like that. It’s not the path I’ve chosen. So as I speak up, please allow me to openly plead my ignorance in all of this. I want to learn and understand what’s happening in the world around us. I can't be silent anymore. I don’t want to be stuck in my own ignorance any longer. I want to grow. I want to better understand what’s taking place and learn how I can somehow be a loving and helpful neighbor. 

First, a bit about me: I’m a 34 year old white male. I have a bachelor of science degree in mathematics and a master of divinity degree. I’m married and my wife and I have two boys and a girl. Our house is in the country and we own a little bit of land. We have two cars. A dog. You get the point... I come from a family that has always prided itself in hard work, faith, integrity, community and other core values. I learned these values since I was a child and I’m incredibly grateful for them. I grew up in a small town and much of my family lives in small towns. We were taught that if you just work hard enough, have a good attitude, maintain good principles, smile and keep your head up, then doors would open for you. And they have. I’ve worked hard, built relationships, and I’ve had more opportunities and have been given more than I could have ever imagined. This is the formula I was taught and it’s the formula so many of my friends and family have come to know and live by. And it was the formula my family lived by when they immigrated to the U.S. in the early 1800s. This is all part of my story. It has shaped who I am and how I think.

The reality is, I haven’t experienced what it’s like to have skin that’s a different color. Growing up, my best friend was Mexican, but I don’t know what it’s like to be Mexican. In college, many of the guys on our basketball team were black, but I don’t know what it’s like to be black. Some of my friends have talked to me about their experiences, but their experiences haven’t been my experiences. And I’ve been told that my formula doesn’t work the same for everyone. I’ve learned that other people experience much different and higher levels of adversity. 

Up to this point, one of the reasons why racism has been such a difficult issue for me to talk about is because it means I have to come face-to-face with the idea of white privilege. My white privilege. There, I said it. I’ve been given incredible opportunities, I’ve worked hard and I’ve been given more than I could have ever imagined. But, white privilege is something I’ve been in denial about. Because the formula I was taught isn’t a formula that works the same for everyone. Other people have had to face certain kinds of adversities that I’ve never had to face. It doesn’t mean that me or my family didn't work hard, it just means that when other people work hard, they don’t always get the same results. Why? Because of the color of their skin. And for years, I lived in ignorance about this - pretending as if it wasn’t really a thing. I didn’t understand it. And maybe I never tried hard enough to understand it. Maybe I became offended or defensive too quickly. Or maybe I lived with a fear-based paradigm. Either way, shame on me. I’m sorry. For years, I ignorantly thought white privilege was a derogatory term that spoke against who I am and where I come from. It’s not. White privilege refers to the societal privileges that benefit people with white skin. In other words, what has been “normal” for me isn’t always normal for a person with a different color skin. It means that there isn’t a level playing field. Injustice. 

I’ll admit it: I haven’t tried to educate myself as much as I should have. I haven’t asked other people what their experiences have been like. I’ve been ignorant and sinfully silent. I’ve actually tried to not see the injustice. So, I’m speaking up because I want to learn. I don’t want to just stand by and watch the banter go back and forth; I want to do whatever I can to learn more about what we’re talking about. Something has to change. I want to listen and have a dialogue. I want to continually learn about my own white privilege and strive to do what I can to bring more equality, understanding and justice to the world we live in. I want to work to reconcile the people in my community. Again, something has to change. I want to do better. 

So, I’m speaking up. I can’t be silent anymore. I’m lamenting over the horror I've seen. I’m condemning all forms (whether hidden or visible) of racism. I’m raising a prophetic voice and pointing to a world that is no longer entrapped by hatred or fear. I’m declaring that we have a responsibility to paint our relationships and our communities with love, forgiveness, understanding, compassion and hope. Something has to change. We must change. We must speak up against racism and violence. We must acknowledge our own ignorance and be willing to listen. We must not get offended or defensive. Fear isn’t good for our hearts. We must strive to understand the experiences of those who have a different skin color.

With all the horror, terror and hatred, I STILL believe in the power of the Cross. I STILL believe that brokenness can and will be overcome. I STILL believe new life is possible in this life. And I STILL believe we can be reconciled with ourselves, with others, and with God.

My posture is this:
I’m want to listen
I’m want to learn
I want to understand
I want to say I’m sorry.

Writing again

It's been a while since my last post.  Years.  I've had no ambition to write.  In fact, I totally forgot this blog even existed.  I even had to check and make sure it was still here.  Obviously it is.  And obviously I'm writing again.

Since my last blog, there's been a lot of things that have happened in my life.  I graduated from seminary with a Masters of Divinity degree.  That took 5 years.  And I'm now pastoring a church (The Well Church) in Ionia, a community that I absolutely love!    Kelly and I have three kids now.  Jude, Calvin and Violet.  Life has been a whirlwind.  And in time, I hope to tell some stories.  But not right now.

Right now I want talk about why I stopped writing and why I'm starting again.

I stopped writing because I was burned out.  Seminary required so much writing, it lost my interest.  My passion faded.  It became a duty.  A chore.  And when I graduated, writing became the last thing I wanted to do.  So I stopped.  For years.  I just let it go.  I knew I'd start again one day, but in due time.

I'm starting to write again.  And I'm rediscovering my passion for getting my thoughts out through words.  It feels good.  It's therapeutic.  It's a way I can express my heart.  

So there's that.  I hope to write several times a week.  I want to write about things that are important to me, I want to write about some of the things I'm thinking, and I want to write about some of the things I'm going through.

My hope is that one day, my children will be able to read what I've written.  I want them to be able to know my heart from another angle.

Writing is important to me.  And I'm really excited to start again...