This week has certainly turned into the warmest week so far this
year. My discipline of prayer took place yesterday while walking the
hills and trails of our local state park.
I hiked up a large hill and into a pine grove. It always seems
to be quieter there in comparison to other places - probably from the pine
needles that break up the sound. My single focus was to experience an
awareness of God’s presence through solitude in nature.
I quickly realized that for some reason, there is “agony” in me.
I wondered: Why am I this
way? Why don’t I ever stop? Why do I keep living to prove myself to
myself? To others? Why can’t I relax in this pine grove and know
the peace of God in the depths of my soul?
In hope, I prayed: “Lord, I
know I am your Beloved. I know that I can stop doing, slow down, and
rest. I know that I don’t have to prove myself to you and I can rest in
believing that you continually prove yourself to me. Hear my cry.
Know my voice. Please rest my anxious and troubled heart.”
It seemed like the sky opened: With
a force of gentle might, the Almighty One said, “I Am.”
In that moment, joy overcame me because of the view - my awareness of
being became my prayer. The sight of the trees, the sky, the grass, and
the landscape somehow infused with me as we became one. The gentle breeze
not only breathed on my face and hair, but also in my soul.
To participate with existence is beautiful. To love. To
be. To breathe. To think. To feel.
To exist is something truly wonderful…
I thought: I don’t always
participate with existence - agony is always the result. Lord, have mercy
on me a sinner. Teach me your ways. Guide my paths. Allow me
to hear your rhythms (Psalm 119).
It sounds ridiculous, but remembering to value such moments and plan
for them in the days ahead is a challenge. Urgency is always
knocking at the day’s agenda. Life’s pace is always being encouraged to
accelerate. Regardless of these external pressures, the challenge of
planning for and valuing these moments is worth fighting for. The life
that is founded upon those sorts of moments has more value than anything else (Matthew
13:44-46).
I need those times. I will plan for those times. I will be
faithful to those times. I will try and make all times like those times.
Lord, have mercy on me a sinner.
Be
existence for me in those times…in all times.
