Listen, it seems like I've talked about this thousands of times with friends and family. It actually comes up in casual conversation pretty often. And when it comes up, it seems as if most people are doing a good job of managing how much time they spend on Facebook. "I don't use Facebook that much. It's just a good way to stay connected with friends and family."
I'm not saying I don't believe them, because maybe they really do have it all figured out, but I don't. And I haven't. To be honest, I don't know how to use Facebook in moderation. I've tried. Most of the time, I try to convince myself that the amount of time I spend on Facebook is OK. Or I tell myself that it's all for a good cause (or something like that).
But...
For me, it's better if I just come out and say it: my Facebook usage has been disturbing lately. It's the one app that I use far more than anything else on my phone. When I get a message or notification, regardless of where I am or what I'm doing, I'll check my Facebook. And then I'll check my newsfeed. That's where I get stuck.
It's like...
You browse mindlessly. You look at peoples' posts, memes, and videos. Sometimes it's regarding the people you love; like your family, friends, or even the family of your friends. And when you get tired of scrolling, you put your phone down. But you don't let your phone stay down for long. Because it's only a matter of minutes before you pick it back up and continue browsing your newsfeed. Sometimes you end up seeing the same content three to four times. It's become one of the main ways you cope with your boredom. And you find brilliant ways to justify yourself and your excessive browsing.
Or maybe you pick your phone back up because you got a notification. Maybe somebody liked or commented on your post. You count how many likes you got. You read and respond to the comments. And if you're feeling really polite, you like (most of) the comments that were made under your post.
Maybe you post mindlessly. You talk about pointless things, but you over-dramatize in order to make the pointless sound more profound than it really is. And you talk about these things because, well, you haven't posted in a while. So you take pictures, you update your status, and you continually check to see how many people liked your posts.
It's addicting.
I know.
It's almost become an impulse. It's become something you've lost control of (most of us aren't brave enough to admit that). After you set your phone down the first time, it doesn't really matter why you picked it back up. It's really all for the same reason. You've developed a dependency for Facebook, for being connected, for being "in the know." You didn't intend for this to happen, but deep down you know its true. And with all the positive that Facebook brings, there are a bunch of negatives as well.
I'm not criticizing Facebook.
I'm just being honest about the way I use Facebook.
And I'm trying to get a handle on this.
Recently I took my family on vacation. At the beginning of our vacation, I noticed that I kept checking my Facebook. For no reason. And more than usual. Once I recognized this, I decided to do something about it. Over the years, I've talked to many people who struggle with the same sort of thing and some of them have chosen to deactivate their account. I've done that, but this time I wanted to take a different approach. And because I use Facebook for work purposes, I still need my account. So, instead of deactivating my account, I decided to delete the Facebook and Messenger app from my phone. That way, I can still access Facebook from my computer when I need to.
Gone.
For six days now.
But my phone usage has changed SO much.
It's been a WORLD of difference.
And here are some things I've realized:
- I used to waste SO much time on my phone with Facebook. Watching videos, reading pointless articles, browsing...
- The newsfeed affected my thoughts more than I realized. I used to pay an unhealthy amount of attention to what other people were posting/saying/doing. And the newsfeed was somehow negatively influencing my inner life. I can't explain all of this yet, but I know for a fact that my newsfeed was truly affecting me.
- My time, energy and attention can be spent in much better ways. I need to be focused and the way I used Facebook hindered that. There were times where the kids were in bed and my wife and I finally had time to talk after a long day. But, instead of talking, we independently browsed Facebook to close the day. Instead of focusing on our marriage, we focused on Facebook. There's better ways to spend my time, energy and attention.
- I can spend more quality time with my kids without having the impulse to check my Facebook. I hate to admit this, but it's true. And I'm really looking forward to focusing on my kids more.
- I can live my life and not feel the need to compete with other peoples' highlight reels. Now, I don't have to compete or compare my life with other peoples' lives.
- I need to be more aware and present in my own community. I allowed Facebook to take my mind off of the things that are local...
There's so much more I could say, but for now, I think that'll be it.
Because it's only been six days...
Because it's only been six days...
And now?
I'm gonna post this blog on my Facebook page.
And be done.
Just.
Like.
That.
The difference?
I'm not gonna continually check how many likes or comments I get from my phone.
I don't need to.
Because I'm doing this for me.
Not for the likes.
And that feels incredibly freeing.
Moderation.
Facebook moderation.
