Beautiful Pain

I'm standing in the flames
And it's a beautiful kind of pain
Setting fire to yesterday
Find a light, find a light, find a light
Standing in the flames
And it's a beautiful kind of pain
Setting fire to yesterday
Find a light, find a light, find a light

*the hook from Eminem's song, "Beautiful Pain."

thankful for encouraging seminary profs

Thankful for my prof. who sends emails like this:

"I want to thank you for all of your hard work this semester. I know that we are half way through the course and all of you are tired. Let me just say that Christmas break is here and you have a few weeks off. Please, don't fill your days with work. Take some time to be with your family. Read a fiction book. Go for a drive or a walk with someone you love. Have a friend over for dinner. Take a nap in your favorite chair. In other words, take a break, you all deserve one. You are moving into a wonderful semester. I believe that you will begin preaching class next semester. If so, you are in for a treat. It is a great class and way different than you experienced this semester with worship. And for our class, you are going to be meeting with a spiritual advisor of your choosing and doing some spiritual direction with someone you appreciate in ministry. It will be a welcome, refreshing and recharging change of pace for us. I can't wait to see how God will move in our lives in the coming months. But for now, relax. The Bible says to taste and see that the Lord is Good. As you eat and drink with friends and family over this Christmas season, taste and see the goodness of Jesus. Love you all and will continue to pray for your rest over the Christmas season. Pastor Aaron."

advent's joyfulness

Our joyous advent of Christ is robust

because of what has been promised to us,

a life we know from experience and thus,  

we've seen too much to enter distrust.

Our wait is joyful by how we're persuaded:

like, how colors splash upon the much faded;

how deserts are given water cascaded - 

life generated for those once sedated.  

May joy persevere as paleness looks near;

plain, and with nothing to offer we fear; 

parched, and panting for water like deer.

We will adhere and our joy He will steer!

Always remember, always proclaim;

we will render Christ's beautiful name.

We will hold steady when life is hard;

however heavy or how it gets marred.

From out of the bleak we, too, will arise;

we, those called meek, He will baptize.

The joy we all share regarding the Lord's Prayer;

it's heaven on earth - our pursuit and affair.

Our joyous advent of Christ is robust

because of what has been promised to us,

a life we know from experience and thus,  

we've seen too much to enter distrust.

Closer than you think

Every once in a while, you come across a phrase that jumps out at you;
a phrase you've heard a hundred times before,
but this time,
you pause just long enough to let it soak in.

Well, let this phrase from Psalms sink in:
We praise you, God,
we praise you for your Name is near;
people tell of your wonderful deeds.



What does that even mean?
What on earth was psalmist suggesting?
Was it merely intended to sound mystical?
Perhaps we should we brush it under the rug and forget it was ever there.
Or, perhaps the psalmist was saying something about God that we should pay attention to.
Obviously, he had something to praise God for.
But what did he mean when he wrote,
"we praise you for your Name is near?"
What does it mean for someone's name to be near?




Recently I overheard a God talk that a few people were having.
      A God talk is one of those conversations
      where people offer their perspectives on who God is,
      what he is like,
      what he is up to,
      and what faith is all about.
      I absolutely love God talks.
      They stimulate my own perspective and curiosity about God.
      But God talks also act as windows,
      which allow me to witness how other people perceive God.  

This particular conversation was fascinating.
I was fascinated by how quickly this conversation transitioned from a God talk
into a conversation about heaven and hell.
It was a window that allowed me to see
something most of us could relate to.
We all tend to do this sort of thing:
we turn God talks into
      conversations about heaven or hell,
      political lefts or rights,
      church philosophies,
      church history,
      church cultures,
      denominational contrasts,
      social justice issues,
      atheism vs. theism,
we turn God talks into conversations about
us vs. them...
our opinions vs. theirs.
All the while, we never really get to talking about God;
we talk about everything else.




The psalmist didn't talk about any of that.
Instead, he praised God
because he thought God's name was near.
His God talks were relevant because he considered God to be mysteriously nearby,
active,
and integrated into the unfolding experience of life itself.
The psalmist praised
as people excitedly talked about God's inspiring
connectivity with the world and the people in it.
That was the content of their God talks.




When was the last time you were excited about the nearness of God,
or excited about what you saw God doing in the world,
or excited about what Christ was doing in people's lives?
That is what the psalmist was doing.

Do you ever get sick of God talks that have nothing to do with God Himself?
Do you ever get tired from the repetitive jargon disguised as a God talk?
Do you ever get bored with the heaven and hell conversation?

Don't you want to see God as the psalmist saw God - incredibly near and active?
      Wouldn't it be refreshing to know He is present:
            in every breath?
            every time you held your kids?
            every time you sat down to the blessing of a warm meal?
            every time you looked at a good painting or listened to a great song?
            every time a roof was over your head?
            every time you interacted with another human being?




The psalmist had a significant reason to praise God.
And so do we.
Because,
God is closer than you think.
He is present.  He is near.

As you read this,
know that Christ is far more integrated into this moment
than you could ever imagine.

And that calls for an interesting God talk.

a provocatively gracious relationship

This has something to do with the relationship between "a young pastor" and "a church."  For the time being, I'll allow this post to remain anonymous in regards to the particular people involved.  :)

I wrote this because it's a personal challenge that seems to surface again and again and again.  If I'm honest, sometimes I don't want to remember parts of what I'm about to say.  It's too challenging.  It's too convicting.  It even messes with my ego.  Nonetheless, every once in a great while I get a glimpse of what humility looks like.  When I do, I want to write it down as fast as I can so I can remember it later after I forget.








There are several challenging aspects in following a young pastor and also in being a young pastor. Having to communicate and lead a mass of people who have more life experience, further education, better leadership qualities, and who are more emotionally stable is quite a conundrum for many young pastors.  Likewise, having to listen and be led by a young leader who has less life experience, less education, less leadership exposure, and less emotional maturity is quite a conundrum for many faith communities.    

It's not like any of that is a secret, though.  Big deal, right?    

Of course it's a challenge to be a young pastor.  Of course it's challenging for a faith community to follow the lead of a young pastor.  I could have told you that before I became a pastor.  

What I couldn't have told you was what those challenges may have specifically looked like.  Although there are many challenges, below is a particular challenge that I've become more and more aware of.  

An incredible challenge in being a young pastor is the responsibility of teaching what isn't yet “known.” I don't mean "known" from an intellectual standpoint; rather from a life experience standpoint.  Young pastors haven't "known" life in the same way that older people in the faith community have "known" life.  It may seem easy to stand up and share theological bullet points with people; it's a much different ballgame when you realize that because of your age and experience, you haven't really come to “know” what you're talking about in the same way others have - yet you have to teach/preach anyways.

Intellectual theology and experiencing theology are two different worlds. When a young pastor has to teach theology with the recognition that much of his or her audience attains more experience in that same theology; that is a humbling realization.  


And this realization makes the light bulb come on in regards to two truths...

Young pastors must generously give grace to their faith community.  

Although this may be true, there is something else that is true also.  

There are two sides to the coin.

Young pastors must generously receive grace from their faith community.  

However ahead one may think they are on their intellectual theology, they are often far behind in their experiential theology. 

It goes both ways.  

A young pastor having to give grace is hard enough

but a young pastor having to receive grace is even harder.  
And that's the sort of thing that messes with your ego.  

So the voice of ego asks,
"Aren't they the ones that need my grace?"
"Why do I need grace from them?"


And the voice of humility replies,
"Joel, you aren't the superhero you thought you were."
"You're the one that requires the most grace of all."

Living in the tension between intellectual theology and experiential theology is provocative for all parties involved. Yet, somehow and somewhere in that place among that tension, the giving and receiving of grace generates and demonstrates Christ's community.  To put it another way, as the young pastor extends grace in the faith community's slow intellectual growth, the faith community must also extend grace to the young pastor's slow experiential growth.

Growth happens together.

A responsibility for the young pastor is to faithfully teach what isn't yet experienced - “known.” It takes giving grace and receiving grace. It takes pride and humility.  It takes intellect and experience. It takes leadership and servantship. Following a young pastor is incredibly hard. Being a young pastor is incredibly hard.

Success in the giving and receiving of grace is miraculous.
That is where growth happens.
Growth happens together.  

Creating Spaces for Solitude

Create spaces for solitude.

There have been these deafening voices in my head lately (isn't that the way to start out a post?).

Have I mentioned how loud they are?  The voices come from television, movies, music, Facebook, emails, books, magazines, blogs, seminary discussions and papers, work expectations, people's opinions, family, friends, text messages, billboards, radio, ministry partners, and we could sit here and continue this list much longer if we wanted…  Help, they're so loud!  These voices aren't always external either.  Sometimes, they can come from my hands and sometimes from my head - doing and thinking.

It seems there are millions of voices attempting to define reality.  Each one has a different angle, agenda, or approach.  Some of them are incredibly good voices to listen to and some of them are simply time consuming.  But sometimes, when these voices become so deafening, nothing else is able to be heard.

I've always thought it was interesting that each Gospels account (in the Bible: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) give significant attention to Jesus' habit of "often going to lonely places."  And even more, in the Gospel of Mark, which is by far the shortest account of Jesus' story, there are at least sixteen times where this idea is found.  It seems that the idea of solitude or "going away to lonely places" is one that deserves our attention.

When writing on the topic of solitude, Anne Lindbergh said, "We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationship.  We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror of its ebb."

Also writing on solitude, Thomas Kempis said, "In quiet and silence the faithful soul makes progress, the hidden meanings of the Scriptures become clear…as one learns to grow still, he draws closer to the Creator and farther from the hurly-burly of the world.  The person who wants to arrive at spirituality has to leave the crowd behind and spend some time with their Creator."

The busyness of life can often creep in and take these moments of stillness away if you aren't careful.  When the flows of life are so plentiful, when the tide is continually in and there's so many "things" to do, it's incredibly easy to see success and accomplishment more virtuous than solitude and stillness.  When the voices become so plentiful, how do you know which ones to listen to?  When the flows take over, you might want to ask yourself which voices you're allowing to define your reality.  Life needs the flows, but it ALSO needs the ebbs.  Life needs moments of solitude, silence, stillness, where you can be at peace with yourself and God.  Life needs The Voice to define reality in the moments of solitude.

Stopping and sitting in solitude allows my heart to hear.  It's harder to hear with my heart than it is my head or hands.  Sometimes, the blaring voices of my head and hands drowned out any chance of ever hearing with my heart.  I need solitude, silence, and stillness - to listen with my heart and allow God to define my reality.  I trust that!  I have faith in that!  I somehow place my hope there!  It's that voice I'll listen to.  Among all the other voices, I'll be attentive to that one.

When my heart is healthy, I'll have a healthy head and healthy hands.  When my heart is made healthy in the ebbs of low tide, the flows of high tide will be that much better.

So this week, I've been intentional about stopping in the middle of my work, and going for a walk to connect with the Voice that that I hear best when everything else is shut up.  Somebody recently told me that I could do the same sort of thing through a 14 second prayer; I disagree.  Being intentional about this requires time and sacrifice.  It requires me to clearly recognize stillness and solitude as virtuous.

It's been beautiful.  It's been rejuvenating.  It's been all that I could ask for, and more.  And little by little, I see why Jesus did what He did when the flows of life never ceased and the voices became too loud.  He intentionally sought solitude, stillness, and silence.

There's something there…something about that...something special…

We need the ebbs and flows.

Preaching and Smiling

Christ told his disciples to "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation."  From day one of the church's movement until now, preaching the good news has been a staple for every believer in the Christian faith.  

As followers of Christ, we are called to...

Preach.  Proclaim.  Share.  Express.  Articulate.  Whisper.  Serve.  Declare.  Announce.  Demonstrate.  Manifest.  

I like how St. Francis of Assisi said it when he said, "Preach the gospel at all times, and when necessary, use words."  Although St. Francis has been referred to as a "preacher," he advocated that people preach through other methods than mere public speaking.

Some Christians are called to preach among the church, but all are called to preach apart from the church.  Some people preach quietly while others preach loudly.  Some depend more on speaking while others depend more on writing.  Preaching takes on many forms, but all Christians are called to participate in preaching the good news to all of creation.

More on this, but first I want to talk about smiling…

[ Love to Smile]

This week, I had one of my front teeth extracted.  It wasn't fun and still isn't.

When I was about 19, I had my front right tooth knocked in while playing basketball.  Soon after, I had to have a root canal and a crown put in.  Recently at a routine dentist appointment, X-rays showed that the root of this front tooth was deteriorating.  The dentist referred me to the local oral surgery practice as to schedule an implant.  This past week, they pulled out my front tooth and implanted a titanium post.

The oral surgery took place four days ago and because of swelling, I've been unable to use my retainer and its replacement tooth.  

I've always loved to smile, but in the past four days, I've become insecure and self conscious about what my smile has become.  The missing tooth is extremely visible.  People can't not notice when they talk to me.

Smiling is a powerful thing that I often take for granted.

There's something fascinating about "the smile" - a language that everyone speaks regardless of where they're from.  The smile is a expression of…

joy, 

happiness, 

humor, 

kindness, 

fun, 

love, 

and if we're honest, it can also be used as a tool of 

deceit or manipulation.

People always told me they thought my smile was contagious.  In other words, they've said, "your smile speaks a language that I understand."  And I've come to know the truth of this over the years.  I've used the smile to bring hope and happiness to people who needed it.  I've used my smile to tell friends and family that everything will be OK.  I've used the language of the smile quite heavily throughout my years in ministry and I've benefitted greatly from other people's smiles as well.

Mother Theresa seemed to know this as a minister to the sick and dying in Calcutta, India.  She used to say things like:

• "Peace begins with a smile."
• "Let us make one point, that we meet each other with a smile, when it is difficult to smile."
• "Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love."
• "Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing."
• "We shall never know all the good that a simply smile can do."

Emily Dickinson also seemed to recognize the significance of the smile when she said, "They might not need me; but they might.  I'll let my head be just in sight; a smile as small as mine might be precisely their necessity."

Lately, I feel like I haven't been able to effectively speak the language of the smile.

What do you do when you think your smile is broken?

When your smile is broken and people don't respond like they used to, what then?  I used to smile and receive a smile in response; now it seems as if people respond with concern.  It's not a bad thing, it's just a different thing.  I've been told that I notice more than anyone else, but when my social life has a significant change because of a missing front tooth, yes, I agree that I probably do notice it more than others.  Honestly, it's made me quite insecure and self conscious.

Lately, I've stopped smiling.  I've tried to cover up what was broken.
Should I stop smiling?

Because my smile isn't what I think it should be, I've tried to hide my missing tooth.  I didn't want people to see my smile.  I didn't want to get attention in such a humiliating way.  I've felt so inadequate.

But, I didn't stop smiling.  I refuse to let insecurity oppress joy.  I'll smile more, even if I only have one front tooth.  I even preached with one front tooth.  Yes, I was insecure, but I won't stop smiling or preaching.

I want to go back to talking about preaching again...

[Back to Preaching]

I've wanted to stop sharing the good news taught by Jesus because I've felt that I wasn't adequate as a communicator.  Sometimes I think my "preaching" is broken and, like my smile, I've wanted to quite all together.

I know a bunch of other people as well that don't preach, teach, share their faith, or talk about Jesus because they don't think they're qualified or somehow good enough.  They feel like something is broken, so they stop.  But should they stop?  Should I stop smiling just because I feel like my smile is broken?

However you share Christ to people, do it.  Don't stop.  And if you feel like you're somehow inadequate, trust God to give you the words, the motives, the heart, and the attitude to continue.  Keep peaching the Gospel at all times, and when it's necessary, use words to do it.

Preaching is a powerful thing.  Your preaching may put the message of Christ in a language understandable to those around you.  Some people may never truly know about the power and legitimacy of the Gospel if you don't take the opportunity to preach it.  The people around you may be waiting for you.  You might be the method God uses to speak to that person, if you would just preach.  And when people don't respond how you want them to or how you think they should, preach anyways.  Preach when people want to hear it, but also when people don't want to hear it.  Preach and proclaim the Gospel, the immense love and work of God, even when you think you're not that good at it.  Keep preaching.

Whatever art or method your preaching takes on, keep doing it.

Don't let your insecurity stop you from preaching…  God's strength is made known in your weakness.

Let's keep preaching the good news to all creation. 

Defining "worship" - a worthy pursuit?

Is it a worthy pursuit to encourage Christian leaders and educators, who use "worship" to reference an event, service, or gathering, and who teach others the same, to examine the Biblical use and understanding of "worship" and compare it with their own?

Kyle is fresh out of college and recently, Sara, his friend and long time church attender, has asked Kyle to join her for church on Sunday.  Kyle wasn't brought up in a Christin home and hasn't been familiar with any sort of Christian culture.  Considering that Kyle is new to the scene, he hesitantly texts Sara, "I'm not religious or anything but I guess going to church couldn't hurt anything." 

      

Sara is also fresh out of college be she has been raised in a loving Christian family who saturated themselves in church culture.  More so, she has always heard the pastor and music leader encourage the congregation to "invite people to worship."  More so, because of the language used within his church, she's come to refer to Sunday mornings as "worship" among her family and other church attendees. 

      

The Sunday Kyle visited church with Sara, Sara was trying to be as calm and hospitable as she knew how - even though she was incredibly excited inside.  Regardless, Sara held her emotion and didn't bring it up that day.  Being unable to contain herself any longer, the following Monday morning, Sara decided to follow up with an iMessage to Kyle and asked, "What did you think of worship yesterday?"

      

Kyle was curious; the following Sunday provided Sara with a tangible answer as Kyle decided to join she and her family for church again.  That morning, the pastor and the music leader referred to the church gathering as "worship" several times.  More so, Kyle was greeted many times with, "Thanks for being at worship with us today."  That afternoon, Kyle joined Sara's family for lunch.  The language used around the dinner table seemed to center around the phrase, "Worship was so powerful today!"

      

Is Kyle being "equipped for works of service (Eph. 4:12)" or is he being "equipped to come back for the next service?"  Although the loose use of "worship" is a simple issue of semantics, is it being used and taught appropriately to nurture the growth of Kyle's faith?  When "worship" is used in this way, how may it affect the spiritual formation of a new, non-, or long-time believer?  And although these questions are interesting in light of this scenario, there's a deeper question to ask: 

Is it a worthy pursuit to encourage Christian leaders and educators, who use "worship" to reference an event, service, or gathering, and who teach others the same, to examine the Biblical use and understanding of "worship" and compare it with their own?

Towards a theology/philosophy of worship

In drafting a theology/philosophy of worship, it's important to me for it to be broad enough to incorporate both individual worship as well as corporate worship.  It's also important to me that it considers the whole sweep of scripture's use of worship and considers verses that explicitly explain or define worship.  Such a task cannot adequately be attempted here, but below I'd like to share what approach I'd take in light of my heuristic understanding of worship.

Overall and most often, worship seems to be an action word that is translated into "bow down."  Sometimes it's used in a literal way, other times it's used in a figurative way, and yet other times it is grouped with the words "serve" or "follow."  Another way I like to communicate this is by saying that worship is the submission to a particular creation narrative.  When worship is used in regards to an individual's (or community's) loyalty to the LORD and His work in Christ, it is Christian worship.  Contrastingly, when worship is used in regards to an individual's (or community's) loyalty to something finite, such as the self or it's own prestige or existence, it is sin (Jones, 1986).  Such ideas about worship as an allegiance to the LORD permeate the Old Testament.  More so, Jesus uses the language to describe worship as an action taken that links both "Spirit and Truth."  Later in Romans (12:1), Paul pens "In view of God's mercy, offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship" (NIV).  Such language from both Paul and Jesus parallel the Hebrew words of worship that often translate into "bowing down."  I also tend to think of bowing in a figurative sense in which a worshiper aligns their heart, their actions, their words, their attitudes to the LORD's redemptive narrative as epitomized in Christ Jesus.

There's a characteristic about bowing down that is important to recognize.  Bowing down is a repercussion of something else.  Bowing is a secondary consequence of a primary action.  We learn that Paul teaches the church in Rome how worship is a repercussion of an individual's (or community's) "view of God's mercy."  More so, what Paul was referring to throughout his Roman letter was the mercy of God revealed through the atonement of Christ (Romans 3:25).  It's important that every time we talk about worship, it's with the understanding that worship is reactionary.  Worship is a reaction to the knowledge and acceptance of what Christ has done through the cross; this has incredibly personal implications for every worshiper.

I think this initial conception of worship is broad enough to include many different Christian traditions, but it is also precise enough as to attain accuracy to the Hebrew and Greek words of worship found in scripture and ancient culture.  Personally, within church tradition's different perspectives, I like "The Proclamation Model" when it says, "God proclaims and we respond.  Jesus Christ is God's perfect proclamation and our perfect response.  it is the Word of God which creates the church and makes present the saving event of Christ" (Webber, 1994).  I also appreciate "The Process Model" and it's focus on the concept of "becoming," which I think is a great descriptive word for worship (Webber, p. 265).  Then again, I resonated with the way "Liberation Model" communicated worship when it said it's the "place where one's affections and emotions are to be transformed so that imaginative ways can be found to bring about this restructuring of society and the conversion" of people (Webber, p. 266).

As a millennial, I enjoy incorporating and communicating God's mercy (in Christ) from various perspectives.  First and foremost in regards to the church's weekly gathering, I think it's necessary to communicate the good news of God's mercy, made available through the Cross.  How can the repercussion of worship be accomplished if we, as church leaders, don't communicate the reality of redemption in some way, shape, or form?  Because I'm a millennial and because we're part of a church plant consisting of people who come from a variety of faith backgrounds, I do my best to incorporate liturgy from a variety of backgrounds.  Overall, I think our church's theology of worship is in tune with Wesley's "all of life" philosophy, but we also incorporate other's into our gathering arrangement.  We use Catholocism's "life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ," we use Orthodox's "infusion of Christ into the life of the believer," we use the Reformed emphasis on the proclamation of the Word, we use (my personal favorite) the Anglican's view of the church's gathering being the incarnation of Christ in the world, and although there's more we probably incorporate without knowing it, we probably incorporate a Restoration Theology of Worship because we don't steadily hold to one consistent creed or theology other than "Jesus is Lord."  Honestly, we celebrate the faith of those who have gone before us and we participate in their understandings to broaden and deepen our own "view."

We don't refer to our Sunday gatherings as "worship."  Rather, we continually use language that invites people to worship through different forms (singing, giving, praying, serving, and the sacraments).  Our gatherings are understood to be the current physical presence of Christ in the world - the gathering of the "body."  More so, we pray that we're able to respond in worship, but we place more emphasis on worship as something that applies to "all of life."

References

Jones, G. C. (1986). 1000 illustrations for preaching and teaching (pp. 316–317). Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers.

Webber, Robert E. (1994).  The Complete Library of Christian Worship. Volume 2 "Twenty Centuries of Christian Worship". Peabody, MA. Hendrickson

We are all worship leaders.

We are all worship leaders.

"In view of God's mercy, offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship" (Romans 12:1, NIV) 

Although we absolutely LOVE the worship that happens in the midst of our Sunday morning gatherings, worship has very little to do with the genre of music sung during a church gathering. It has little to do with the new middle school space that the Bridge Church meets in. Worship has little to do with the sound system, the lighting, the seating arrangements, the media, the coffee, or any of the other things it's often mistaken for. It has little to do with the particular Christian denomination, the style, the pastor, or the quality/quantity of ministry programming.

Worship is a response to God's mercy and it can take on many, many forms. Some of us respond to God's mercy by showing mercy to someone who has hurt us. Some of us respond by serving in a ministry area (e.g. KidZone, Frontline, Tech Team, Clean Crew, Music Team, …). Some of us respond through art. Some of us respond through prayer or solitude. Some of us respond through financial giving. Worship takes on many forms, but true worship is always a direct response to the mercy we've received through Christ.

I'm excited to see the souls of our church engage worship in the every moments of their lives! I'm excited to see a faith community respond to God's immeasurable mercy by serving mercy to one another, serving mercy to the community, and serving mercy to those in need. I'm excited to see worship embodied in grounded and practical ways. I'm excited to see a worship movement; not just a worship service.

Father in Heaven! You have loved us first, help us never to forget that You are love, so that this sure conviction might triumph in our hearts over the seduction of the world, over the inquietude of the soul, over the anxiety for the future, over the fright of the past, over the distress of the moment. But grant also that this conviction might discipline our soul so that our heart might remain faithful and sincere in the love which we bear to all those whom You have commanded us to love as we love ourselves. ~ Soren Kierkegaard

We are all worship leaders.
How do you lead worship?

Living in First Person

I don't know if this is going to sound strange, but I'd like to share something that's been on my mind over the summer. 

I have to continually remind myself to exist in first-person.  I am me.  Life is currently happening, unfolding, and blooming into each moment.  As it does, I have thoughts, feelings, opinions, experiences, hopes, ambitions, and tastes.  As weird as it sounds, sometimes I have to remind myself that I am living and experiencing the present. 

This morning is wonderful.  I currently have music playing and I'm enjoying songs from Death Cab for Cutie.  Next to my computer is a cup of coffee flavored with the new girl scout cookie creamer that I've come to really enjoy.  I'm breathing by inhaling and exhaling through my nose but the air I'm breathing is incredible humid due to this warm and rainy summer morning.  My 18 month old (Calvin) is in the room next to my office sleeping - I'm trying to be quiet and keep my music low.  My desk is a mess; filled with books and papers that seem to accumulate out of thin air. 

I am alive.  I am me.

What I've realized over the summer is that I don't make these observations enough.  Instead of living in first person, I think about what needs to happen at church.  I think about the 14 books I need to read in the next month.  I think of the conversations I need to have with those people.  I think of how I need to Biblically defend and support a point in the sermon that I preached a few Sundays back.  I wonder what people are thinking.  I'm concerned about other's faith, family, and finances.  My heart celebrates with the joy of some people and grieves with the despair of others.  And while I'm thinking all these thoughts, I find myself living more in third person or living as the narrator.  I don't stop often enough to enjoy the taste of my coffee.

This summer, I realized that much of my life has become reactive.  When I get a glimpse of someones expectation for me, I try and meet it.  When someone offers me advice, I feel like I need to honor that advice by listening to it.  When someone wants me to preach that way, I feel like I need to listen to them in order to make them happy.  When someone is disgruntled, I feel like I need to bend over backwards in order to make things better.  And when much of my life is spent working for other people, I've come to realize that I've actually stopped working for God.  Somewhere in the mix of everything, I've stopped pursuing the call that He gave me.  Instead, I've met the call of everyone else.  I think it's a good thing to meet people's needs, support them, and love them, but sometimes the enemy of the best is the good.

I need to be proactive in my approach to life.  The best thing in my life, or perhaps you could call it my sweet spot, is when I slow down and quiet myself with God.  When I do that, I'm excited and passionate about life.  When I'm in my sweet spot, I can energetically minister, support, and encourage people.  In fact, I'm able to truly love others when I'm proactive in this way.  When I tune out the background noise and quiet myself with God, I'm am me.  When I can soak in the moment, I'm able to live in first person.  That's exactly where I want to be.  I want to be able to enjoy life as it comes.

Living in third person or as a narrator is exhausting.  These are the times when I try and control people or situations.  These are the times when I live based on what everone else wants me to do.  To be honest, I never feel like I'm free to be me in these moments.  It's more about what "I have to do" rather than "what I want to do."  Even in writing this, someone is going to criticize me for not including a Bible verse - as to somehow legitimize my thoughts or feelings.  And if I were to live in third person, I would add a verse to make people happy.  Living that way is exhausting.  Sometimes, when I'm living that way, I forget to taste my coffee.  I forget to hug my family.  I forget to pray.  I forget to soak in God's words.  When I'm living this way, weeks will go by in a blur and for some reason, I can't remember the last time I felt joyful.

I have to continually remind myself to exist in first person.  I am me.  I have thoughts, ambitions, opinions, feelings, tastes, preferences, and dreams.  Some people simply tell me to "let go and let God."  That's great they have it all figured out, but for me, that sounds like nothing more than a trite Facebook quote that's used as opium for the masses.  Living in first person is easiest for me when I find my center in Christ.  When I allow God to be my narrator, I'm able to enjoy the first person perspective of life and participate in the story that He is telling.  When I see what He is doing in the world I'm able to surrender my life to His mission, that's when I get excited, that's when I'm in my sweet spot.  When I center my heart, mind, and soul in Christ, I'm able to feel joy again.  When I slow down and allow the breath of God to fill me, I'm able to know freedom and peace.  It's in these times that I'm able to sit quietly under an oak tree and enjoy the August buzz that comes from the cicada's song.  It's in these times that ice cream seems to taste better.  It's in these times that I love people for who they are.  It's in these times that I can have the unspeakable and unexplainable gratitude for my life and everyone in it.

I am me.  I am a child of God.  I am Joel.

I can taste my coffee again.  I can feel my heart beat.  I can go fishing.  I can rest.  I can stick my hand out of the car window and be kiddishly amused as I pretend it's an airplane in the wind.  I can laugh until I cry.  I can feel.  I can hug my family and enjoy the moment.

I am me and I'm continually reminding myself to live in first person.

word choices

I don't realize how powerful my words are.

I should realize this because other people's words are incredibly powerful to me.

Recently I was around a 70-year-old man who (I assume) found Christ in the past five years. I listened as he passionately talked about Jesus and the power of forgiveness. I could hear it in his voice, see it in his body language, and understand it through his words. I left our talk somehow a better man.  Inspiring!

Words influence reality.

Not long after, I was having a conversation with some family about our favorite places to eat out. Prior to this conversation I wasn't hungry but after about 10 minutes, I realized I was starving. That conversation did something to me.

Words define reality.

If people's words influence me, my words influence other people.

The problem? I don't consider this when I find myself complaining to my wife or my friends or my family or my kids. I find myself defining a reality that I don't want to define. I don't want my loved ones to be negative. I don't want my loved ones to be critical. I don't want my loved ones to complain. But with my words, I define reality to people I talk to.

My words are incredibly powerful.

I believe I have a choice. I can speak life and hope and joy and peace into the people I'm around, or the opposites. I can build people up or tear them down; all with my words. And the choice is mine.

Something about God I find extremely fascinating - He created the universe by speaking it into existence. Check out the first chapter of Genesis in the Bible. And if I am created in the image of God, I must assume that my words carry more weight than I realize.

And so I'm left with this choice. When I open my mouth, what will I choose?

If my words define reality, let me say a few things…

-I will speak about the great things I see in people.
-I will tell my wife how wonderful and beautiful she is.
-I will tell my kids how I love them and I'll cherish our moments together.
-I will see the beauty in life.
-I will enjoy the sunny hot summer days.
-I will try to love this new puppy our family just got when it destroys our shoes, watches, and pees on our carpet.
-I will speak life into people's experiences.
-I will allow God to shape my heart.
-I will never take a day for granted.
-I will forgive as Christ forgave me.
-I will put others before myself.
-I will surrender control.
-I will never stop growing.
-I will acknowledge the power of my words.
-I will choose to speak life.



Our words are powerful.

I believe in the Gospel again!

I believe in the Gospel again.  Yep, again.  It's weird to say and I don't really know how to explain it, but in the past couple weeks, the Gospel has come to life in my heart once again.  It's as if I believe it for the first time.  I know I believed in the Gospel before, as it was very real to me, but God opened my heart in a new way.  It happened while my wife and I were in Florida.  We were having dinner and I realized that our waitress needed Jesus.  In the midst of this thought, I looked at the tables surrounding us and I realized that every person sitting around us needed Jesus.  I thought about my life and about how Christ literally changed the person I was into a new person.  I thought about grace, love, joy, and peace that I know.  So in the midst of all these thoughts, I asked my wife, "Do you really believe in the Gospel?"  She looked up with a strange look on her face trying to anticipate what I meant.  After she asked what I meant, I said, "Sometimes I live my life as if I don't truly believe the Gospel, but I do!"  I believe in the Gospel again.

People need the Gospel.  Regardless of what they think it is, where they come from, or how they've dismissed it, they need it more than they can ever know.  The crazy thing is, I know something that they desperately need to know.  Whether it's our waitress or the people sitting at the table next to us or perhaps is the person sitting next to us on the airplane; people need the Gospel.  So many times in the past, I knew this deep down, but I was too insecure to say anything or even have it on the forefront of my mind.  But, if I truly believe the Gospel, it's going to be on the forefront of my thoughts.  It's not going to hide in the back corner of my mind waiting to come out during my next sermon; it's going to saturate every word and every action - that is my hope and my aim.  People need Christ.  I have Christ.  I need to learn how to share what I have!  People need the Gospel.

If I believe the Gospel and people need it, I need to go where people are.  Isn't this the idea behind the incarnation?  Tonight, on my way home from the store, I saw a bunch of people playing basketball in the park.  After dinner and after the kids were bathed, I asked my wife (for permission) if I could go down and play basketball.  After arriving, I played a couple games before some of the guys had to leave.  Then, Dylan, who is finsihing his 8th grade year, came down and we began playing some shooting competitions.  After we were warmed up, we played a couple games of one on one.  I won, but that's not the point.  The point is, now I have an acquaintance with Dylan.  As I was leaving, he asked me to come to the park tomorrow and play at 5pm.  I think this is true evangelism.  After I get to know him a little better, I'll begin asking him some life questions and talking to him about my faith.  Dylan needs the Gospel.  Perhaps some of his friends will join in on the conversation as well.  I pray that the LORD opens doors in this whole situation.  But whatever the case, I believe the Gospel again, I believe people need the Gospel, and I need to go where people are.

I praise God for opening my eyes and my heart again.  Even if it feels like I believe in Christ for the very first time, I'm grateful for the way He's worked in my life for the past eight years since I devoted my heart to Him.  I pray that I can continue to worship Him in the way I relate with people, in the way I relate with my family, myself, and in every situation I have the grace and opportunity to live. 

Starting Point - five years in the making

Tomorrow I get to share something that I have been talking and dreaming about for five years. I can't wait! It'll be unique because I'll be sharing not only "what if" conversations and hypotheticals; I'll be sharing actualities that continue to unfold right in front of our eyes. For the past five years, it seems as if that's what I've been doing - talking about my dreams and passions and ambitions for a church that didn't yet exist. In the past year, something has changed.

A church is in the midst of being planted - the Bridge. This actuality includes people, passions, hearts, families - it's a beautiful community of Christ followers. Never did I dream that I would be part of such an amazing calling.

Tomorrow we will share the meaning behind our church's name, our vision and mission, and the values that will mark our church's purpose.

In a way, tomorrow is a climactic time in my life, yet in another way, it's nothing but a mere starting point.

Point of Origin

Regardless of who you are, isn't there a side of you that is still affected by peer pressure?  Perhaps you're a bit older and you think that such talk no longer applies to you.  Well, I encourage you to think again.  Peer pressure doesn't just apply towards young people, it's saturated in every aspect of culture.  There's a part of you that can't escape the social pressures and expectations of life.

When you think of peer pressure, what mental images come to your mind?

I think of a classroom.  You know what I'm talking about, don't you?  There's that student that isn't really paying attention to the teacher's lecture.  Suddenly, the teacher asks a question to the class and all the students hands go up, including that student.  When the teacher calls on that student, he draws a blank and can't answer the question because he didn't hear it.  He then tells the teacher to repeat the question.  When the teacher asks why his hand was raised in the first place, he responds by saying, "Because everyone else raised their hands."

Peer pressure.  

Doing what you're "supposed to do" is a powerful motivation.  This kind of idea is entrenched in the way we think about our place in society.  

I'm always amused when I see the new styles emerge in clothing retail stores.  As soon as the mannequins are fashionably dressed in the store front windows, flocks of people rush to purchase similarly new wardrobes.  Remember when tattered jeans first came out?  How about those T-shirts that have the brand-name stitched into the front of the shirt with big, bold letters?  

Last years trends are out and this years trends are in.  

I even had a guy at Fossil (a watch store in the mall) tell me to hold off in getting a watch until the spring colors were in.

That's what fashion is, isn't it?
Trends, pressures, expectations…

Peer pressure is a broad topic that's not only applied to middle school kids; it's a motivation that continues to affect the clothes we wear, the watches we buy, the books we read, the food we eat, and the sports we watch. 

Fashion isn't the same as faith but sometimes this motivation affects the way we act as Christians.  

My wife and I attended a church awhile back that stressed the idea of "looking your Sunday best."  We weren't used to wearing our best clothes to church, but because we were in an environment where people wore their best, we did as well.  We wanted to fit in and do what we were "supposed to do."  Not to brag, but my family looked so good, we could have taken family photos every Sunday morning.  P.S.  My wife is smokin' (just sayin).

Doesn't this kind of thing carry over in Christian circles?  

You're supposed to do this…

You're supposed to do that…

Make sure you look, dress, talk, laugh, give, and drive a certain way…

Because that's what good Christians do, isn't it?

I imagine Jesus' disciples asking, "Lord, just tell us what we're supposed to do."  In response, I picture Jesus telling His disciples, "Look, there's people doing what they're supposed to do, but I don't recognize them because they're not doing the right things for the right reasons."  (If you want to read it yourself, check out the situation by clicking here: Matthew 7: 15-23)

In every church I've ever been a part of, there are people who have stumbled upon this reality.  At one point, they found themselves raising their hands like everyone else in the classroom.  They didn't know why they were raising their hands, they just did because that's what they saw everyone else doing.  But sometimes, a new and deeper reality is presented to these people.  They discover a better reason for doing the right thing and it fundamentally has nothing to do with peer pressure.  This new and larger reason often stems from something deep inside - an encounter of sorts.  And when people come to this point in their faith, they feel free and liberated and released like never before.  

Some of us have spent years doing the right thing for the wrong reasons.  We've found ourselves worn out, frustrated, depleted, depressed, and unfulfilled.  And I say this from personal experience.  It's exhausting to put energy towards something you have no passion for.  Sometimes it's humiliating to get called on when you don't know why you raised your hand in the first place.  

I believe that Jesus wants us to know why we're raising our hands.   

Why are we raising our hands?

Why are we doing what we're "supposed to do?"

Is it peer pressure?

Or is it something much, much more…

Because when we do the right things for the right reasons, we'll know what Jesus meant when he talked about having "life to the full."  

I don't know about you but,

I don't want to just know Jesus,

I want Jesus to know me.

[Check out the story: Matthew 7:15-23]

[Another text to consider: John 6:40]

The Stray

The night began next to the fireplace with a steaming cup of tea.  You know - the kind of tea that you put a little slice of lemon into.  Arvo Part was playing in the background and his Fur Alina flooded each room with a sound of piano that makes you want to think deeply.  Record lows were supposed to be reached - it was going to be cold.  Regardless, the house was warm and clean, the kids were asleep, the stars were bright and besides the music, it was peacefully quiet.

With it hitting my face and freezing my cheeks, I knew I was in for a long night.  I didn't think it was going to be this cold, but it was as I found out a little too late.  My coat was too light and I even forgot my hat.  What was I thinking?  It was a Michigan January, and on this night, it was nearing sub zero temperatures.  A walk?  Tonight?  Never again.

Walking up Rich St., I couldn't wait to be home.  Would this hill ever end?  Each step seemed heavier than the last as I pushed myself up the iced-over pavement.  What did warmth feel like?  I couldn't remember.  Although it was only twenty minutes, I couldn't even remember what my tea tasted like.  The sound of Fur Alina had been crowded out by the sound of the cold and violent wind.  I was alone.

You know those times when taste, touch, sight, smell, and sound become extra sensitive?  It was one of those nights.  Every car that drove by seemed like a big event.  The motion sensors that turned on as I passed by startled me.  The cat I spotted out of the corner of my eye made me want to run and scream.  My own shadow could have scared me.  Paranoia was taking its toll.  The cold was taking its toll.

Are they out here or am I alone?  They could be peering around each corner watching my every move.  They could be anticipating what I would do next.  They could think I'm up to something.  They could think...  What are they thinking?  I worry about that.  Where do they think I'm going?  Do they think they have me all figured out?  Or, perhaps I'm alone.  Are these thoughts merely in my head?  Perhaps they're inside staying warm - drinking tea and listening to their own music.  Maybe they're completely oblivious to me being out here.  What if they saw me?  What would they think I'm doing?  Would they think I'm stalking them?  But I'm not.  I'm just taking a walk.  I'm just passing by.  I'm cold.  I want to be home.

And this isn't new.  I keep leaving the warmth of light for the chill of darkness.  Perhaps I'd prefer to be alone.  Why did I put my tea down?  I shouldn't have walked through that door.  I should have stayed.  But I didn't, I wandered and this is where wandering gets me - alone and cold and scared.

I can't wait to be back home.