authentic church renewal

I entered full time ministry with the intentions of renewing the church.  The books I digested and conversations I had with my friends and family helped me realize the veneer piety among church and parish circles.  This sickened me.  Priests and sexual abuse disgusted me.  Pastors and money laundering vexed me.  And the hundreds of stories about moral failures among good Christians hurt me.  Because I saw the brokenness of the church, I entered full time ministry thinking that I would contribute to the church's rejuvenation.

Initially as a youth pastor, I thought rejuvenation could come merely through changing the church's format.  By changing the music, the time and type of the service, adding a coffee hour or dimming the lights; I thought the church would improve drastically.  Perhaps dressing "casual" would help us relate to different people.  Maybe if we put ads in the newspaper and on the radio, we could advertise to new people groups.  I felt a call to rejuvenate the church and I was serious about bringing change.  It wasn't long before a friend of mine pointed out my error.  He helped me realize that all I was doing was changing the keyboard, the mouse, the speakers, and the screen.  What I needed to do was change the operating system.  I quickly realized that I, too, had fallen into the trap of veneer piety by thinking I could change rejuvenate the church through such surface level changes.

The next method I thought rejuvenation would come to the church was by intellectualism.  I had seen enough "uneducated" pastors - it made me sick.  Uneducated passionate pastors who led the masses to believe that God would give them a nice house and fast car turned me and many peeps I know away from church.  Sure, a smile and personality could bring people into a building for a crafty sermon, but the Jesus that they taught wasn't the Jesus I read about in the Gospels.  I didn't want anything to do with this.  I began going through books like they were water.  I read every theological book I could get my hands on.  From Augustine to Wesley to Kierkegaard to Zacharias, I discovered intellectualism at a level I hadn't been exposed to before.  As I went on to seminary, I found myself exposed to a level of sophisticated logic and theology that I adored.  Systematic theology and hermeneutics and the process of exegesis and church history gave me a deep reverence for the Holy Scriptures like I had never known before.  As I continued my seminary studies, I realized that again, I had fallen into the constraints of veneer piety.  As my professors pointed out, intellectualism alone didn't hold the answers for rejuvenating the church.

Veneer piety is manifested when the church solely depends upon format or the latest intellectual buzz-word or anything other than Christ to vindicate itself.  Through the cross God's grace is poured out onto all humanity.  This foundation has always anchored the church.  Even the Apostle Paul wrote, " May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world."  The cross of Christ is the source of our hope and our Life.

Richard Foster penned it well when he wrote this in an article for Christianity Today, "We have real difficulty here because everyone thinks of changing the world, but where, oh where, are those who think of changing themselves? People may genuinely want to be good, but seldom are they prepared to do what it takes to produce the inward life of goodness that can form the soul. Personal formation into the likeness of Christ is arduous and lifelong."

The church will never be rejuvenated if we never rejuvenate ourselves in Christ.  Veneer piety is manifested when the people of the church attempt to change the world yet nobody in the church attempts to change themselves.  We can change formats, we can learn a bunch of stuff and we can try a million different approaches, but if we're not willing to submit to Christ, we'll only add to the hypocrisy that exists in the church.

My intention for church renewal remains, but now more than ever, I realize that this is something that has to start in my heart.  This is what discipleship (continually learning and living the ways of Jesus) is all about.  This is a mustard seed idea.  In order to become the greatest, we must become the least.  It isn't about church format.  It isn't about mere intellectualism.  This is about allowing the power of Christ to work and heal my heart.  Furthermore, Christ's work in me will be legitimized through the love and character and integrity displayed in my life.  Changing the world must first start with changing me.  Renewing the church must first start with renewing Joel.

May the Spirit of God continually give me power and may the cross continually give me grace.

I strive on as Christ strives within me.

learning from my parents

You can't have the responsibility to raise ---

until you first make a habit of picking up ---

                          

Thanks for your beautiful wisdom, Dad!  You and Mom continue to amaze me.

Whenever Dad saw a penny, he would pick it up.

When people asked him of the strange habit,

he said, "If God can trust me with the little things,

he'll be able to trust me with bigger things."

My parents adopted my three sisters

because they felt God place this 

passion on their heart.

Because God trusted them with the little things,

he's able to trust them with beautiful daughters.

to my beloved Saranac church

We can't do this

until we've first become competent in this.

I'm excited to be in this journey with you!
I love you and pray for you all the time.

let's ride

Our family had to go to Walmart while we were on vacation. While we were there, we were walking through a particular aisle showing Jude all the cool bikes. I can't wait to see the look freedom and balance give Jude's face when he rides a bike without training wheels for the first time. I know that as a Dad, I'm supposed to be patient about these kinds of things, but it's something I'm looking forward to so much.

Training wheels.  We've all used them haven't we?  

Right now, our church is feeling the exhilaration of what balance and freedom feel like.  We love and enjoy our sense of empowerment.  Many of us are stepping up, volunteering, and beautifully orchestrating our Sunday morning routine.  Many of us are offering up prayers throughout the week for God's kingdom to continually expand in Saranac.  Some of us have joined teams and are investing our time and energy into what it means to be the church in Saranac.  Feeling balance is fun.  Feeling free is beautiful.

Currently, our koinonia is at that point.  God has graced us with leaders, wonderful hearts, and amazing love for people.  We've gotten on the bike and have been thrilled by the initial feelings of balance and freedom.  We've grown in our relationship with God.  We've let God teach us how to love others more deeply.  We've seen our Kidzone transformed and given its own personality.  Our set up and tear down seems unnoticeable (which is a great thing).  Our Frontline team is showing love and hospitality to whoever joins us for our Sunday gatherings.  Our worship team blesses us with their continual talent as well as their love for Christ.  All these things seem to be streamlined and functioning flawlessly, but it's important that we realize our training wheels are still on and we're still getting used to how balance and freedom feel.  Things are going incredible, but healthy growth takes time.  As many of us look up and into the future with dreams, it's important we stick to the fundamentals.  Let's take time and be good stewards of the freedom and balance the LORD has given us.  Let's take time and be good stewards of this church that God has brought together.  Let's take time to grow in Christ and in relationships among one another.  Let's continue to do the small things with great love.  Although it may seem as if we're ready to ride, let's slow down, dig deep, and strengthen the foundation we already have.   

What this means…

LifeGroups - Instead of being a church with LifeGroups, we are a church of LifeGroups.  We're encouraging everyone to plug into one of our four LifeGroups in Saranac.  LifeGroups are a place where we learn about the LORD, we learn to live the LORD in our everyday lives, and a place where we learn to live and share about the LORD inside and outside of our social circles.  LifeGroups are the heart and soul of what it means to be koinonia and we encourage you to participate.  

Serve - There are many ways you can serve.  Whether you're great with kids, with providing a welcoming hospitality, whether you're talented musically or with technical skills, or whether you can carry a chair or push a tote; our church needs people to serve and volunteer to make Sunday mornings possible.  To get involved and or find out more, please see the Frontline desk on Sunday morning.  Want to help us this Sunday?  Show up at 8am.    

Give - Many of us give 10% of our income to the church.  Crazy?  We think so.  But when we give with humble and joyful hearts, God turns the little we offer into something large and expansive.  He takes our humble tithes and offerings and creates transformed hearts and lives.  We invite you, along with many of us, to give to the movement of God in Saranac through finances.  

Pray - Along with being in LifeGroups, serving and giving, we ask that you join us in prayer.  Prayer is essential.  This has been and continues to be one of the most refreshing ways God speaks to me.  Prayer rejuvenates the soul.  It strengthens the heart.  Prayer is a core spiritual discipline that I encourage all of you to constantly participate in.

We still have our training wheels on, but I pray we'll continue to build a foundation on the balance and freedom that God has given us.  Whether we're in LifeGroups, we're serving, giving or praying; I hope that the kingdom of God (as shown to us in Christ) permeates everything you do.  I pray that his love flavors your relationships, the way you see yourself and the way you see the world.  I pray that you participate in bringing a little heaven to Earth with us.  May his kingdom come and his will be done on Earth as it is in heaven.

Growth is happening among us.  It's important that as we move forward, we continue to strengthen our personal relationships with the LORD.  Out of that, He will do beautiful things!!  Out of a community built upon their relationships with God and each other, our church will be able to embrace balance and freedom so that we can eventually ride.  May we continue to remember the fundamentals.  

  

active kingdom passive church

A church is passively planted when the kingdom is actively pursued.  I don't know about you, but I don't want to actively plant a church and passively pursue the reign of God in my heart.  We are the church because the kingdom of God and his righteousness has been (and continues to be) pursued.  A church is a people who participate in God's mission.  We are not necessarily participating in the kingdom of God if our focus is solely on church.  This may seem like a subtle difference, but it has huge implications.

Christ teaches that we are to be a kingdom minded people (Matthew 6:33).  We are to be a people that love the Lord holistically.  We are to be a people that embody the incarnation.  We are to be a people that serve as a light to our community - a group of shenanigans that add flavor to the people around them.  God's kingdom is something I want to be focused on.  It's something I want to have my eyes gazing upon.  The reign of God in my heart is what I want more than anything else.  I'm passionate about living "in shalom" with God.  

I don't want to actively create or plant another church.  I don't want to feel good about how many people show up on a Sunday morning koinonia gathering.  I don't simply want to focus on what happens when we come together.  In fact, if this is ever our focus, there are plenty of other churches in Saranac, Ionia, or Lowell that we can merge with to do this sort of thing.  Instead, I want to actively pursue the kingdom of God.  Because I'm around others that are passionate about the same thing, church is a word that defines who we are.  If we are pursuing God's kingdom and righteousness, then "church" is who we are.  

When the kingdom is actively pursued, church plants are passively unfolding. 

sunday morning clockwork

Preaching is a lonely activity.

It's Sunday morning at about 9am.  In an hour, I'm going to get up in front of a crowd and deliver a packaged speech that will educate, inspire, comfort and challenge the audience.  Because I'm going to speak in an hour, I make sure to get away and spend a significant amount of time in prayerful solitude.  My goal is to cleanse my heart and mind of myself and let God saturate my existence.

One thing people don't know about me is that I'm terrified of public speaking.  The anxiety of a Sunday morning sometimes makes me feel like I'm on my deathbed.  And I don't just feel this sort of thing Sunday morning, it seems to accumulate throughout the week.  ...

Lord, I have to teach that?  I don't want to preach that.  I wanna preach about beauty or goodness or life or redemption, but you want me to teach about that?  That's abrasive.  That's going to make people mad at me.  That's going to turn people off.  Do I really have to teach on that?

Another thing people don't know about me is that by Sunday, I feel like I've been beaten and bruised and scarred.  All week, I've spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually thrown myself at a particular passage in scripture that has left me convicted, changed, challenged, and calibrated.  Through my study and prayer, I feel the weight of death.  I've been reminded of all the ways I'm not good enough and all the ways I need to change.  ...

The beautiful thing about being a Christian is the reality of redemption.  Redemption is the idea that life can come in the midst of death.  It's the idea that Christ was raised to life.  It's the idea that we, too, can have new life as we experience feelings of death.  Redemption is the idea that as we surrender our existence to Christ, we can have his life live inside of us.  

As I preach, I have these thoughts.  Is anyone listening?  Has anyone been affected by this scripture like I have?  Are people content with just showing up on Sunday morning?  Do they hear the implications of what I'm saying?  Are we recognizing the significance of Christ's words?  Are people more concerned about the Sunday program than they are about following Jesus Monday through Saturday?  Am I the only one in this room?  Why do I feel a million miles away from the look that's in their eyes?    ...

And as hundreds of eyes gaze upon me while I'm illuminated by the stage lights, I have other thoughts.  What do they think of me?  What do they think of the clothes I'm wearing?  Am I meeting their expectations?  Are they being "fed?"  Am I being transparent enough?  Am I being too transparent?  Where is that line anyway?  ...

It seems like a million thoughts race through my head.  

Fear

Inadequacy

Failure

Insecurity

.

.

.

When I was 12, I knew that the LORD called me to be a pastor.  For a long time, I ran from that call.  I went to college to major in several other things.  I tried to convince myself that God had different plans for me.  Yet…here I am.  For some reason, he called me to be a missionary in this culture

It's Sunday at 9am.  I KNOW that the LORD has called and prepared me for this.  Through all the fears, anxieties, thoughts of being inadequate, visions of failure and feelings of insecurity, I know that God has called me to be on mission with him.  No matter what kind of response I see, I have to continue being faithful to the call that God put on my heart.  

Here we go.  As I walk up the stairs to get on stage, I hope that today God will speak to somebody.  As I take the first few steps approaching center-stage, I pray that people will hear God's words, not mine.  As I look out into the crowd, my heart swells with love for those I see and I pray that they, too, would be changed by the words of God.  As I begin the sermon, my prayer is that those listening would find life that is truly life.

Preaching is a lonely activity.  

Lord, show us redemption.  Show us that you love us.  Move in our community in incredible ways.  Lead us to be a people who loves you and each other.  May this church be a blessing to it's community that reflects you in all it does.  May this church demonstrate the presence of Jesus.  Lord, I place today in your hands.  Please move with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm.  

 

a fishing story

This morning, I woke up early as to get a head start on the day.  The seminary load (with church, family, marriage, and all that jazz) can seem to get in the way from effective ministry at times, so I woke up early to pound out some reading.  The book I had to read this morning was called The Shaping of Things to Come by Frost and Hirsch.  Now, I've never done this before, but I thought a great place to do some reading would be at the local dam sitting beside the water.  When I arrived, no one was there.  It was quiet, peaceful and perfect for reading.  As I got into the text, it was talking about being a missional-incarnational church.  Instead of being attractional (extractional - come to us), Christ calls us to be incarnational (go to them).  I was fascinated and totally in to this book!  All of a sudden, two loud mouthed, middle-aged, scraggly looking guys with mouths like sailors showed up at the dam to fish.  My first thought, unemployed people who fished for their food every day.  Great, I thought, now these hobos are going to distract my time and my reading and my plans for the day.  Whatever, I thought with determination, I'm going to stay here and focus.  After a while, I found myself glancing up to see what they were catching.  They seemed as happy as could be!  What were they catching?  Small blue gill!  Haha.  Can't they catch anything bigger or better?  I was sort of amused by the whole situation, but still, I was quite irritated by their lack of respect and their loud-as-can-be mouths. 

Soon enough, they noticed that I occasionally would glance over and watch them fish.  The older guy asked if I'd like to try.  After I said, "Maybe in a little while" and really thinking that I wasn't going to, I heard them laugh a bit - I could tell they thought I had never fished before.  I HAVE fished before, I just don't go fishing and have such a great time catching small blue gill.  But the guy kept asking me.  I was busy.  I didn't want to.  I had a bunch of stuff to read.  Plus, I don't normally associate with people like that.  So, there I was sitting on my rock having a pity party about my luck, when it finally hit me.  While reading about the church's flaw in its come-to-us mentality and how it should have more of a go-to-them mentality, I realized that I was doing the very thing the book was warning me about.  I was seeing them as outsiders, outcasts, not-good-enoughs or people who were simply interrupting my time.  As soon as I realized this, I was convicted.

I immediately put down my book and coffee and walked over to where they were sitting.  They introduced themselves as Ron and Cam.  They handed me a pole, some worms, and soon we were laughing, catching fish and sharing fish stories together.  What a blast!!!  We were catching small blue gill and it was awesome.  Soon though, Cam had to leave.  It was just me and Ron.  I sat by the rock next to him and he continued forward by telling me about the prostate cancer he's struggling with, about his beautiful wife, about his love for fishing and his cabin in Tennessee, and about how he refuses to sit and watch T.V. while cancer erodes his life.  I quickly realized that he needed to vent.  And I was there to listen.  I was enriched by his positive attitude.  I feel like I developed a friend today - a fishing buddy.

I was ministered to this morning.  So often, I can be into theological concepts with seminary, having to articulate leadership in church circles, and all the while I'm forgetting to be someone's neighbor.  Today, this morning, I was Ron's neighbor.  It was a beautiful morning and God taught me a little bit through that experience. 

Praise the Lord for his unfailing love and his incarnation.  May I take his example and have more fishing experiences like I did this morning in "going-to-them."

a beautiful thank you

Church is a movement and it includes you.  It's so easy to become disillusioned with the idea that church is about them, those people, that structure, or the building; it's not.  Church is about you.  It's about us.  It's about the connection that exists between you and God.  It's about you and those who follow Jesus beside you.  Church is about pulling yourself up by the boot-straps and letting God work through you for the movement of his kingdom.  Church is a kingdom outpost that is built and maintained by your circle of influence.  Church is a movement, and it includes you.

The church is beautiful!  This past Sunday, I was overwhelmed by the time and energy and sacrifice that goes into making our gatherings happen - you are beautiful.  I don't often get the chance to thank and encourage you all, but I truly think you are beautiful.  Whether you serve Frontline, Kidzone, Set up or tear down, whether you serve through tech or praise on the worship team; it's people like you that make the movement of the church shine with a blissful beauty.  Perhaps you don't serve on any formal ministry platform; perhaps you serve your neighbor by having them over for dinner, maybe you pour life into that person at work, or maybe you are fostering a Christ-centered environment at home for your kids - you are beautiful!   

Let us continue our beautiful shine for those that need the hopeful and redemptive gospel message in Saranac.  As we continue to create, foster, build and maintain our koinonia gatherings in Saranac, let's continually be reminded of what we're doing this for.  We are learning the way of Jesus.  We are not only learning the way, but we're striving to live the way as well.  We're not only going to settle for learning and living the way either, we're going to share the way of Jesus with our family, friends and even our enemies.  May we continually remember the power that exists in the gospel of Christ.  This power is life-altering.  It's earth-shattering.  The message of Christ changes everything.  May the LORD give us the power of his Spirit to be witnesses that continue to shine God's beauty and love into every moment.  

Remember to tell someone how beautiful their life is.  As we do life together, it's important that we recognize the sacrifice and energy and time that we each are pouring into the kingdom's movement.  Encourage someone.  Thank whoever you see laying their life on the line.  Support those who continually create and maintain a Spirit-led momentum.  I pray that we all cultivate a culture among koinonia that identifies one another's servitude.  I challenge you to take five minutes and call someone tomorrow and thank them for their faithfulness to Christ's church.  Do it, seriously.  We all need encouragement don't we?  Take this opportunity to lift someone up.  Your life is beautiful...make sure you let someone know that theirs is as well!

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.  ~Colossians 3:17

Whatever you do, do it in a way that shines the beauty of God to the world.  

Thank you for being beautiful!!!!

eyes to see

The reason I'm beginning a blog at 12:30am?  My wife and I attended an outdoor wedding during a 55 degree rainy evening.  And before you think too much on that, I'd like to say it was one of the most beautiful weddings I've ever been to!  But to be honest, when we got home, we looked forward to having a hot cup of coffee.  I had two.  Drinking two cups of coffee at 10pm is the kind of thing that can keep you up at night.  Thus, my reasoning for being up at this time.  Trust me, I want to go to bed, but I can't.  My mind keeps racing and I'd like to share some of the things that it's thinking about.

I love weddings!  I could honestly attend a wedding every day.  There's something beautiful about a man and a woman coming together in the divine sacrament of marriage.  The electric-like anticipation generated as the guests wait for the wedding party to make their way up the aisle is something I can't get enough of.  And then there's the bride.  Some people cry, some people smile and some stand in awe as the beautifully prepared bride walks with her dad to the alter.  Personally, I like to take a couple glances at the groom and see his reaction as he sees his bride-to-be walk down the center row.  Then, there's the way the bride and groom look at each other as the pastor does his thing.  Sometimes you can see nerves and sometimes you can see humor between the two, but the thing that gets me is the love that you can feel as man and woman stand there holding hands and gazing into one another's eyes.  I love watching their every move, listening to every word and trying with all my might to catch every detail about the ceremony.  Oh, how I love weddings and everything they stand for in the eyes of God!  There's so much symbolism and so much to learn from.

If there's not enough beauty in the wedding ceremony between the bride and groom, there's more in the people being inspired by the divine union.  And it's these thoughts that have been keeping me up tonight.

One of the things that caught my eye tonight was a scenario that I observed take place between a husband and wife.  The husband was sitting up front with the wedding party and the wife was sitting somewhat near me.  As the microphone was passed around for various toasts, this particular husband took the mic.  I happened to glance over at his wife just in time to see eyes gently shut and her head slowly bow - she was praying.  She was praying!  It hit my like a freight train.  Could she be praying for her husband who was soon to speak into the mic and toast the bride and groom?  That must be it!  And it was so subtle, I don't think anyone noticed but me.  She kept her head down for a few seconds, opened her eyes and glanced up as her husband began the toast.  How amazing, I thought.  She was praying for her husband's speech.  What a beautiful scenario.  What beautiful people.  Only a pure and gentle and supporting wife's heart would do such a thing.  How pure.  How caring.  How intimate.  I may have been the only witness to this, but I left a better man for seeing what I saw.

Another thing that caught my eye was the pride and love of a father.  I like to watch people in their subtle moments.  This might sound weird, but in doing so, one's able to observe the thoughts of a person in action.  Tonight, I was able to observe the father of the bride.  He was an emotional man that wore his emotions on his sleeve, and again, I left a better man for seeing this in action.  Throughout the course of the night, you could almost see him stick out his chest in pride as he greeted the wedding guests.  I noticed his caring and heartfelt interactions with his other daughter's husband as well.  You could see him look at his new son-in-law with a confident love and acceptance.  You could see his affectionate heart glisten with a radiant kind of love as he addressed both of his daughters.  His voice cracked and his composure broke as he gave his toast; but it was one of the most touching things I had ever seen.  Oh the love of a father.  For once he had two daughters and now he has two sons.  What a beautiful family he has!

There must have been a hundred other moments that I saw tonight that I found to be beautiful.

The crew of friends and family that made the wedding and reception take place.  Everything from friends who ripped paper for decorations to friends that served and managed the food; all to serve the bride and groom in love.

The pastor's joy of the ceremony's completion.  This is something I can relate to.  After the ceremony was over, the pressure of not screwing up the wedding was gone.  The pastor's laughs, cheer, and confidence poured life into all he interacted with.

The glances I took at the several tables around me was incredible.  People sharing laughs, drinks, stories and life is something I never want to take for granted.  The general buzz created from the mass commotion of people talking created an euphoric energy in the room that I think I'm sometimes addicted to.

Tonight, I was graced with the opportunity to realize that people are beautiful.  I don't always have the eyes to see it, but when I do, I'm blown away at the greatness that God pours into his creation.  Lord, thank you for giving me eyes to see tonight!

It's now 1:30am and I've been writing this thing for an hour, I'm going to try and sleep now, but I thought I'd take some time and share my perspective.  Before I go, I'd like to make four final statements about the night...

People are beautiful!

Weddings are beautiful!

Joy is beautiful!

God is beautiful!

light show participant

I could have had my head gently nestled into my pillow this past Wednesday night.  Instead, I was driving towards Greenville at about ten after midnight in the sticky heat.  I was storm chasing.  Off in the distance, I could see the silhouette of the thunderheads lit up by the machine gun-type lightening that flashed in the clouds.  What a beautiful light show!  I could have been in bed, I thought, but instead, I chose to chase this storm and I’m glad I did.  I love storms!

Did you know that Jesus prayed for us?  Some 2000 years ago, he said this prayer that was directly for his disciples and any believers that followed after them – which is us.  This prayer is found in John 17.  He prayed that instead of us falling asleep with our heads nestled into our pillows; that we would see the light show.  He wanted us to see the lightening, the beauty, the power and the very joy that the Father had given him.  He wanted us to know that an eternal and infinite and abundant kind of life is possible as we continue our lives in this world.  He wasn’t concerned about our attempt to vacate this world and live in a better place; he wanted us to infect this world with his love and power and unity.  He wanted us to observe and participate in the beauty of his light show. 

We can go to bed if we want.  The thing is, the world isn’t always cognitive of what God is doing behind the clouds because the world sleeps - the world doesn’t truly know the heart of God.  If we’re sleeping, we’re not going to see his light. 

There’s this quote that has become quite cliche but holds truth, “Be in the world and not of the world.”  Although Jesus doesn’t say this verbatim, this is what he’s saying when he prays for us.  When the world sleeps, drive to see what God is doing and stay in rhythm with him.  When your friends and peers seem to have their heads snuggled into their pillows, continue to participate and observe in the light show.

May we infect the world with the presence of Jesus.  May our thoughts, our attitudes, our actions and our words continue to bear the fruit of Christ.  May we not fall asleep - may we not become 'of the world.’  May we pursue the show of light - may we continue seeing and spreading the beauty of God in this world.  May we be the light of the world.

a day off

What a day!  It was our day off and it was a great day.

Never have I struggled with taking a day off until I entered pastoral ministry.  Now that I've been in this kind of ministry for four or so years, I've learned that if I don't set strict and regimented boundaries for myself, that day off I've been looking for simply won't happen.  Seriously, it's a struggle.  If I'm not careful, I can find myself talking to my wife about ministry.  I can find myself thinking about ministry.  I can find myself talking through the things I have to do or the conversations I have to have.  If I'm not careful, my day off can turn me into a think-tank.  A think-tank day off isn't a day off at all.  So, that's a little about us, our day off, and how we struggle with it.

If I could rank our day off today, I'd give us a B.  The first half of the day, I found myself thinking through every ministry detail possible.  Should we do this or should we do that?  What conversations do I need to have this week?  What could I think or say to impress that person (it's sad but more often than not, I find myself thinking such toxic thoughts).  How should we structure this next weeks service?  How involved should I be in that project?  What do people think of me?  What if….?  And these thoughts can go on and on and on with no purpose or end in sight.  They're literally exhausting and when they take place on my day off, I'm worn out by noon.

This morning, I found myself worn out and exhausted by these cyclical thoughts.  I'm ashamed that I even have them.  Because a good pastor wouldn't think such things, would he?  Seriously, it's so embarrassing to have these thoughts, it makes me want to puke.  They're worrisome, heavy, redundant and never-ending.

My wife thinks I'm being attacked (in a spiritual sense).  Around our house, we call this sort of thing "the raid."  And when the raid comes, it's so easy to become punctured and lacerated by the predatory teeth of doubt, worry, fear and stress.  And we know when the raid comes, it's usually a sign that we're doing something right, but it's so hard to think that way when you feel like a shark has you by the waist.

This morning I was attacked.  The raid came.

In the afternoon, I was able to spend some time by the pool with my face in my Bible as well as a Dallas Willard book.  There's a reason Jesus referred to the Word of God as bread - it's food that nourishes the soul.  Between the turns of the pages, I would meditate on what I just read and pray about it.  It's amazing how a raid can be flipped on it's head with intentional time soaking in the words of God.  Soon, the negative questions began to fade.  The fear and worry and anxiety vanished.  God began to pour himself into my heart and it was exactly what I needed.  This afternoon, I felt shalom (peace from God).

This is the part when my day off actually became my day off.

We went to the Ionia Free Fair.  I have a friend who is obsessed with this thing.  I, on the other hand, am not.  It's the same people over and over again.  You know the type; the adults who try to fit into little kid's clothes.  The carnie who has two teeth and who tries to talk you into buying three rings to throw around pop bottles.  The basketball hoops that are too small for the basketballs.  The blood footprints spread out across the midway.  This is the time when hicks come out of the woodwork.  I used to make jokes about the fair.  I used to say, "And that's the reason why this is a prison town."  But tonight, something changed.  Instead of my negative comments about the culture and the atmosphere of the fair, I actually enjoyed it.  I enjoyed the smell of cotton candy that lingered in the air (I focused on this more than the smell of the puke).  I marveled at the young families that strolled the midway with their kids and strollers.  I even wanted to go on a ride (I didn't...my wife said it was too dangerous and I needed to think of our family first).  I got to witness the joy on my two year old's face when he rode his first carrousel and roller coaster.  Or the excitement of my nephew as he looked at the sheep, pigs, goats, or cows.  Perhaps it was watching my mother-in-law ride a little kids roller coaster.  Whatever it was, it was amazing.  For the first time in a while, I was able to fully embrace the beauty of the moment.  For the first time in a while, I was able to take time off without the endless and mindless ideas and questions that pollute like spilled oil in the Gulf.  We went to the fair tonight, and I loved it.  What a blessing it is to love the fair!

Considering how my day went, with the early morning worry, the afternoon prayer and reading time, and the fair, I'd say it ended on a pretty good note.  I feel rested, recovered and fully in love with my family.  I feel peace.

I know my days off aren't going to come easy, but I'm going to continue to make the time and create the boundaries to foster the possibility of embracing God, my family, and my self.

Today was a great day!

handling the raid: July 1, 2012

Relationship Series: Handling the Raid

1 Samuel 30:1-6

The “raid” is going to come. 

It’s not a possibility or a question; it’s right around the corner. 

The “raid” might look like a…  Financial difficulty.  Parental challenge.  Conflict in relationship.  Depression.  Health challenge.  Family clash.  Tough decision.  Exposed addiction.  The loss of a loved one.  Argument.  A hurtful word.  Exclusion.  Uncertainty.  Not fitting in.  Prodigal sons/daughters. 

Or perhaps something will happen to the family.  And maybe after the family is taken, the very people who you thought had your back now want to ruin you.  …as was David’s story…

Loss - the kind of distress that seems to take your feet out from under you.  It takes your breath away.  It drains your tear ducts. 

And how we handle this sort of thing has huge implications. 

Some of us will create diversions.  And our diversions will affect our health and the health of those around us. 

Diversions: Sitcoms.  Facebook.  Alcohol.  Work.  Friendships.  Sports.  Success.  Hobbies.  Church… 

Because how we handle the raid is directly tied to our relationships.  And if we don’t get this right, we’ll find ourselves crippled, depressed and burned out.  If we don’t get this right, we’ll turn on each other like ravenous wolves.  Essentially, how we handle our raids will determine the promotion or absolution of the raids in other’s lives as well. 

This brings us back to our relationship with God and each other.

And before we get too far into this domino effect, let us sit and soak in the story of David. 

1 Samuel 30:1-6 

P.S.  Why stop there?  Finish the chapter if you’d like, it’s invigorating.

There’s a better way to handle the raid.