It's Sunday morning at about 9am. In an hour, I'm going to get up in front of a crowd and deliver a packaged speech that will educate, inspire, comfort and challenge the audience. Because I'm going to speak in an hour, I make sure to get away and spend a significant amount of time in prayerful solitude. My goal is to cleanse my heart and mind of myself and let God saturate my existence.
One thing people don't know about me is that I'm terrified of public speaking. The anxiety of a Sunday morning sometimes makes me feel like I'm on my deathbed. And I don't just feel this sort of thing Sunday morning, it seems to accumulate throughout the week. ...
Lord, I have to teach that? I don't want to preach that. I wanna preach about beauty or goodness or life or redemption, but you want me to teach about that? That's abrasive. That's going to make people mad at me. That's going to turn people off. Do I really have to teach on that?
Another thing people don't know about me is that by Sunday, I feel like I've been beaten and bruised and scarred. All week, I've spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually thrown myself at a particular passage in scripture that has left me convicted, changed, challenged, and calibrated. Through my study and prayer, I feel the weight of death. I've been reminded of all the ways I'm not good enough and all the ways I need to change. ...
The beautiful thing about being a Christian is the reality of redemption. Redemption is the idea that life can come in the midst of death. It's the idea that Christ was raised to life. It's the idea that we, too, can have new life as we experience feelings of death. Redemption is the idea that as we surrender our existence to Christ, we can have his life live inside of us.
As I preach, I have these thoughts. Is anyone listening? Has anyone been affected by this scripture like I have? Are people content with just showing up on Sunday morning? Do they hear the implications of what I'm saying? Are we recognizing the significance of Christ's words? Are people more concerned about the Sunday program than they are about following Jesus Monday through Saturday? Am I the only one in this room? Why do I feel a million miles away from the look that's in their eyes? ...
And as hundreds of eyes gaze upon me while I'm illuminated by the stage lights, I have other thoughts. What do they think of me? What do they think of the clothes I'm wearing? Am I meeting their expectations? Are they being "fed?" Am I being transparent enough? Am I being too transparent? Where is that line anyway? ...
It seems like a million thoughts race through my head.
Fear
Inadequacy
Failure
Insecurity
.
.
.
When I was 12, I knew that the LORD called me to be a pastor. For a long time, I ran from that call. I went to college to major in several other things. I tried to convince myself that God had different plans for me. Yet…here I am. For some reason, he called me to be a missionary in this culture
It's Sunday at 9am. I KNOW that the LORD has called and prepared me for this. Through all the fears, anxieties, thoughts of being inadequate, visions of failure and feelings of insecurity, I know that God has called me to be on mission with him. No matter what kind of response I see, I have to continue being faithful to the call that God put on my heart.
Here we go. As I walk up the stairs to get on stage, I hope that today God will speak to somebody. As I take the first few steps approaching center-stage, I pray that people will hear God's words, not mine. As I look out into the crowd, my heart swells with love for those I see and I pray that they, too, would be changed by the words of God. As I begin the sermon, my prayer is that those listening would find life that is truly life.
Preaching is a lonely activity.
Lord, show us redemption. Show us that you love us. Move in our community in incredible ways. Lead us to be a people who loves you and each other. May this church be a blessing to it's community that reflects you in all it does. May this church demonstrate the presence of Jesus. Lord, I place today in your hands. Please move with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm.
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